Sunday, April 25, 2010

He sustains me in my weakness....

The view from our bedroom balcony.

Most days it seems like our morning devotions are written exactly for us. One day over a year ago the editor prepared the script, the publisher printed it and the distribution people sent out the monthly devotions by mail. So why is it that every day it is exactly what I need to hear? This week in Haiti we went from cooler temperatures in the day up at Fort Jacques to warm humid, pray the air would move nights while sleeping. Parties with loud music, babies crying, dogs barking and the horn honking that goes until late at night was interrupted last night with pouring rain. Now I ache for those in the tent cities but for one night I was selfish and thanked God for the pounding rain on the tin roof to lull me to sleep. Jussi is a sleeper and I suppose that it makes it worse when minutes, literally minutes after his head hits the pillow he is fast asleep. After fifteen years one would think I could be happy for him but honestly it makes me crazy. So this morning as I read about selfishness, I retreated to the ache I feel when it rains for those in tents and for humbleness so I would not covet Jussi’s sleeping pattern. Yes my desire to sleep solidly though the night can only parallel the opportunity to eat a huge plate of Nachos, covered in cheese, served with sour cream and black bean and corn salsa. Add the chance to sip a single grande skinny vanilla latte, mmm. See I had to write it to bring the smile to my face, and to realize I had something to be thankful for….my imagination! I could taste it, I could smell it and for a few short moments I no longer missed two of my favorite things. Now back to my selfishness.

I am so thankful that God uses simple object lessons to show me again and again the same lessons. I am also thankful that He understands my imperfections and can gently put me to a place where my heart and spirit line up with my brain and I want for nothing. As I head off to church today I pray that I am able to fully comprehend the message that He has prepared in advance for me to hear. When I forget, which happens often, that He has sent me here for a purpose, I will remember that selfishness is not from God nor does it serve any purpose. I need to be able to give of myself and realize that with every beat of my heart there is no place I would rather be, sleep or no sleep, nachos, or no nachos, lattes or not. Recognition in my human capacity can carry me only so far and although some situations sap every drop of my energy, I can draw on the endless well of Holy Spirit power. So today as I banish selfishness and the “what about me” and what I want and desire attitude, may my weakness give God glory. Only He could take a child like me imperfect and head strong and top up my energy, fuel me with sleep, give me dreams of nachos and lattes and teach me once again that He sustains me. How cool is that!

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