As much as Jussi wants to see a burning bush, and of course I would love to see someone raised from the dead, or witness a miracle healing before my eyes, I really would like to be a person who God will use like Paul. A person who is not afraid to share about my unworthiness, not afraid to share the gospel, so faith filled that I would take persecution above betrayal. I think of how great Paul’s ministries were, the documented details of his journeys captured in print for us to read, to be inspired and encouraged centuries later. I am captivated with the knowledge of life on the mission field before Internet and cell phones, before travel was by airplane. My great great grandparents were missionaries to India and Africa in the late 1800’s and although I have little information, I have been blessed with tiny writings published in church bulletins of their ministry and their travels. I am thankful that one day in heaven I will be able to hear of their stories.
Missionaries like Paul were not afraid of transparency, and that is something that has been on my heart for a while. I want to explore how I can be more transparent to those I meet. Many of us have many different masks, those we wear in front of those we meet knowing that we may never meet that person again, the mask we wear with friends, the mask we wear with coworkers and the mask we wear to protect ourselves. Why do we feel that we need to protect ourselves I ponder why are we afraid to let others know who we really are?
I think it is because of emotions and feelings. Feelings are undependable, they make us vulnerable and people can misinterpret feelings. I have been a heart on my sleeve kind of person for a long time. Most often if you are around me you know what my passions are, you know how I think and how I feel at any given moment. I am happy to share what I love, happy to share my opinion LOL and happy to listen and offer encouragement, but how can I remember to let down my guard and let others see what is in my heart. I want to be more of a WYSIWYG, What You See Is What You Get.
I want to be able to have others see “the me” that Jesus sees. The broken me, the sinner me, the helpless me, the unworthy me, and yet he loves me. I want to minister to people about His mercy and grace, His forgiveness and His love. I want to be like the women at the well, okay not the, she had five husbands part, but the one that could not deny who she was, the one that found relief in being known for all her imperfections and went out to share of Jesus in her community John 4:34 (The Message) 34-35Jesus said, "The food that keeps me going is that I do the will of the One who sent me, finishing the work he started … Well, I'm telling you to open your eyes and take a good look at what's right in front of you. These Samaritan fields are ripe. It's harvest time! .” YEP, I am the one that Jesus called to ministry.
We are so thankful that God has called us to Haiti. Some days when we are homesick, or trying to grasp the enormity of the hurt here in Haiti, we struggle with “Why us?” God shows us every time that he knows us and accepts us just as we are and that He is going to use us. That He has called us. That is the story He wants us to share in Haiti, the transparency of a life with Him, a life of grace, and the beauty of the words He has inspired for future generations to read and to learn from. I am so thankful that today as we head up tot Ft Jacques that He, my Savior, my strength and strong tower is going before me, again, to prepare the day and His plan for me. Now that is cool!
Your servant doesn't know left from right. Even now I don't know which one of Your hands I am in. Whether I am in the left or the right, it doesn't matter. I am in your hands. That's enough.