Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Show us your way...and allow our humanness to sort it all out.

Looking back at 2010 I am saddened, humbled, excited, hopeful and counting my blessings. From holidays with family, the earthquake and sadness that encompasses Haiti, dreams for the future, this last year has had its ups and downs. Although it was over days ago, I for one have not had the thoughts of any memories until now. On the 26th of December I came down with a nasty cold. It flooded my senses with thoughts of me, it flooded my emotions with woe is me, it flooded my body with cold medication. You see I don't think I really took an inventory of  what "me" had in my memory back for 2010 until today. I remember last week being holed up on the couch while Jussi channel surfed the best and worst news stories, the best music, movies and songs, but I was not really there.  New Years eve I was in bed by 830 and unless you count the fact that I knew it was New years somewhere and they had celebrated I felt a-ok to go to bed. The last few days I have worked on trying to feel better but the cold has me in its grip. Appreciate any prayers for healing so I can get back to work, but that is not what this post is about.
It is about seeing beyond me and following God's plan for me (or us) for 2011.

Could I sit before the Lord today and say I had used every opportunity He had put before me. Sadly the answer is no.

This week at our church is the week of prayer and fasting and I am feeling so bad about missing all the corporate opportunities for prayer. But after arguing with said husband about staying home and resting and not being around others I relented and even took Buckleys. (But that is another blog post..on my goodness it is awful)

What is God calling me to do? Why do I feel that I am doing Him lip service to say I will go, I would do anything. Would I sell my house? Would I quit my job and go again? YES, I would, but why does it feel like I am only saying that? Where is practical in the bible? Where is the feasible, efficient pragmatic studies? I am a planner. Was their faith so big, they just set out? (I suppose if Jesus knocked on my door today I would not be going to work tomorrow, I would not let him out of my sight.) Where is the piece of paper we have so often had in front of us, with pros and cons labelled and a hasty drawn line down the middle? Why did we ever leave Haiti? Our hearts never have been so fulfilled in personal ways this last year in Haiti. Why can't we stay, why can't we commit? The reason was clear, we did live in two countries. We had a house and a mortgage and jobs, and if we really wanted to make that commitment we needed to be ready to have nothing. Wow, could I do just that, would that be smart? When Jesus called to Peter and the others to follow Him, He didn't say go home, get your affairs in order, plan to be away about a year, get medical insurance, find renters for your homes, pack copious amounts of supplies and bundle everything in prayer. No, In John 21 verse 17 - 19,

Jesus asks Peter “Do you love me?” ... “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. ....then he said to him, “Follow me!” NIV

The part that gets me is there is no discussion, no bartering, no deal. Just if you love me, then feed my sheep, be a shepherd of people, and follow me.
I do love you Lord, I do,  but why does it seem that the practical parts of life on the mission field all seem too big. The other night we watched a documentary on Darfur. Africa has always been close to our hearts and specifically the plight of child soldiers. If it was our call to be in Africa, then why were we planning 2011 with work and farm decisions. Why, was our biggest burden that others did not get it. There are children all over the world and people living in poverty. Did poverty have a face to others? Did others know that children were being used in war, because they were cheap to feed, easily brain washed and expendable? Because of the sheer numbers of orphaned children, armies are using child soldiers as their weapon of choice. So many why's and so many unanswered questions. Please get educated about the issues surrounding children in our world.

In 2010 we had the privilege of being in Haiti working with God's Littlest Angels. We knew God had called us, we knew although many things happened prior to us going that we should have stopped our plans, ultimately we knew that He was calling us to serve with GLA. With heavy hearts at times, we said God use us, and may we be humble obedient servants, dependent on you. Show us your plan. He did as he always does. In that time God showed us grace, love, patience, mercy, forgiveness,  and most importantly the abundance of His blessings being showered on us daily.

So as we prayed for God to bring us back to Haiti, take us to Africa, but 2010 ended with us sound asleep in our home in Canada. It brings me to one thought: Does one's commitment to Jesus need to be renewed as we learn more of His call? What does that look like? As 2011 starts out I pray that we (Jussi and I) learn more of what He has for us and less of what we have for us.
From Albert Einstein
"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."

Thanks GLA and our Haitian family and friends, "M'ap sonje ou"

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