Today and in the last few weeks I have been challenged. In these challenging moments I have not been all that strong, I have cried, felt defeated and moped around feeling lost and without direction. I guess I always wanted to be a tougher nut but it is something that still works for the good and for the bad...I am a wear my heart on my sleeve person. If you had to ask me how I was, I may just have burst into tears, so I stayed away from people. (okay not the best strategy...but it worked) Now as I weave my way to health, and contentment I get the picture of a ball game and Laurel and Hardy's who is on first...I was running the bases of daily life but I was running in circles. I allowed worry to take over and no matter how many times I ran for the finish line, I kept getting lost. Sound familiar? I think this happens often to us, I know even a shopping trip can have me all over the place looking for something and then giving up before I found the item I was looking for.
I didn't want to give up so I persevered and with my solid rock husband and a few friends I am able to say, crisis averted. My tests were all positive results and my million other things that all hit at a time when I was vulnerable, each in its time has been walked through, dealt with, shelved or conquered. Am I feeling emotionally powerful? Not yet, but that brings me to the umpire part of my blog.
When you have a type A personality like me and a people person, you tend to look to others for reassurance, props, perks, whatever you want to call it. At the same time you feel many things are personal when often they are not, so add the "take it personally" plus "looking for affirmation" and that equals when the going gets tough the weak go no where LOL. So feeling judged for your weakness creates a whole new set of equations. See my demise LOL.
Anyway I can write about it because I am able to see it was not about being judged it was about how I perceived I was being judged. God is my umpire he makes the calls in my life, and he has not called me out of the game yet, so I am still standing on the base, looking for direction. Run, stay, or take a chance. I married a take a chance kind of guy, and I am stay safe and wait. Funny how that happens. So what is the job of the umpire?
The umpire is the person charged with officiating the game, including beginning and ending the game, enforcing the rules of the game and the grounds, making judgment calls on plays, and handling the disciplinary actions.
I love that God is my UMPIRE! Can you imagine anything better? He controls the beginning and the end, He allows fair play and for errors, He guides and protects, and allows us to learn life's challenges by living and taking chances, and by calling us safe. He lets us play the game and watches our moves, being careful to keep us within the bases and not running amok. (running in a frenzy) I may have hit some home runs in my life...my kids, and Jussi, serving in Haiti, working with kids with special needs but I am not done at the bat! I am ready to see where this next year will take me and I know there will tough plays, there will be highlights, there will be replays, and most likely some foul balls, so "put me coach I am ready to play! "
My pity party is over Praise the Lord. I am so thankful for the craziness of life, the unpredictability I can see after the fact. Lord teach me to trust in you and look for your signal. Batter up!