Monday, January 21, 2013

Yes they are mine!

I know a million stories of strange questions that people ask trans racial families...but...Are they mine? Seriously, no I stole them, they are calling me mommy and I am buying them clothes for fun. The fact that they were mine for a long time before I got to hold them, the fact that they were mine, before I knew where they came from. THEY ARE MINE!
I remember a Dr Seuss book Are You My Mother? where the little bird goes looking for his mother. My kids are not searching, they know who their mother is, their father, brothers, sisters and no they are not from Africa, they are from Merville.
I know also that the million little questions are people's :
A: nosiness
B: curiosity
C: our girls are a novelty
D: have considered adoption
and E: my all time favourite, they know someone somewhere that adopted so that makes them an expert.

I know my job is to field questions with dignity and respect and be an advocate for adoption. BUT....
Can I just get through the grocery store. My youngest doesn't care about being adopted, or born in Africa, my oldest does. Miss G  doesn't want people to say she is from Africa or anywhere else for that matter.  She knows she is adopted, she doesn't need to be defined by a circumstance that changed her world, that involved a TON of LOSS. Yes, lets rub it in. What about asking what school she goes to, does she like dance...heck ask if she plays soccer, that would be culturally a common she can tell you, no she plays hockey.
Tell her she looks beautiful and do not ooh and ah over the fact her lil sister Miss P, is pretty darn cute and right now is attempting to pull something off a shelf, as you have stopped me mid aisle.
You see I knew this would happen, I knew it all would happen, was I prepared for it, yes, do I get tired of it, YES. Do I need to be an advocate for the 147 million orphans waiting for a family and encourage people to adopt yes;  but I can do more good for the 147 million orphans at my computer,, talking to a group or on Facebook, than I can  in the grocery store. My sunday is OUR day, to not think of the million little details of our lives that garner attention. Surprise I am white, so is my husband, we have white kids and we have brown kids, we have one kid, who is white and really too old to have come from  my body...guess what she didn't!
I have five children, I love them all the same, each one has different birth circumstances that I have not shared to random strangers in grocery line ups.
Simple convo: Hi,  how are you, my name is Colleen and I had a difficult labor and my child was born in Comox and I couldn't breast feed. Imagine if that was the norm in grocery line ups.
I have asked someone if they asked the lady behind me where her children was born, cause that was the sarcastic Colleen coming out. I have also pretended to have a hearing disorder. I have ignored and I have answered quite basically and honestly.
Catch me on a good day, and you may get the name and phone of the agency we worked with. Some days I may even listen to your long drawn out, my friends, sisters, brother, cousin from his third wife, adopted a child. Oops I am really getting sarcastic LOL.
I am in all seriousness I am an adoptive parent, are my daughters adopted yes, will there always be questions, YES.
So pretty soon I am heading out to greet the day and so pray with me, that I will honor all the things they taught me in our education classes. I am the most thankful mom in my neighbourhood and I just want to let my girls be known as "our" girls. Not someone else's, or that their beginnings were rough. Don't get me started on all the comments I get about dead parents and poverty, aids, and how thankful they are...that is another post.
Yes someone asked me if they had Aids!
So Happy Monday fellow moms, sorry for the rant, to readers that have watched this adoption unfurl, we are grateful beyond words.
Life is a journey and most roads are full of pot holes where I come from. Stay tuned for the results of my week. I plan to keep score. Maybe if I had a sign on my face that said, don't talk to me...instead of the...please come and share your life story and I will listen...oh well as I tell the girls, this is how God made me....use me, and correct my attitude...cause there really is 147 million orphans out there that need families.
I also know it is Martin Luther King day and I should be writing a blog about the incredible  wisdom and grace, visionary and advocacy of an incredible man, but today my mind is not deep and teary.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Love on somebody today!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Colleen I Love this post and yes the most common questions I get is in regards to Aids, and what happened to her "real Parents" Um I am real and we do not share things with strangers.... I hate the Aids question...I do not ask about your childs HIV status ....

    Thank you for this post!!