Then it hit me, this adoption was like eating an elephant and I was only at the knee, I had crawled off the foot of a referral and painstakingly waiting for a long list of papers as we crawled up the shin. Yes we were at the knee, but did we have the strength to keep going. We were weary, our emotions completely wrung out, the dark days of January and the endless rain made it all seem worse than it was.
Here is a excerpt from a blog post at this time last year.....
I struggle with answering "fine" when someone asks...but do they really want to know? We are not fine, we are tired, emotional, drained, seek news at every moment, log onto the email too many times to mention, Forever in our arms has already begun. We can feel them and imagine them here with us...then I go on to say...
I have heard international adoption is not for the faint of heart, ...jumping out of an airplane without a parachute is not for the faint of heart, chasing tornadoes, feeding sharks, ...but I could not imagine how far we had come and yet the end was still not in the distance. You see then I was eating the elephant but what I failed to notice is our family and friends eating right along side of us.
The waiting is such a difficult part. We were also waiting on the first family from BC to go and get their children and because it was a pilot project it all just seemed to precarious for my "in control" personality.
I did write on a Face Book post today, I am 50 years old, the process nearly killed us, would I do it again, yes if I was younger, but honestly I believe God would have to knock pretty darn loud on my door for us to hear it loud and clear. I am just smart enough to not say never again.
Waiting was one of the hardest things we have ever done as a couple, and we have had to make some tough decisions in our marriage. Our elephant was chewy, it was big, it was slippery, because every now and then we slid back down a few steps, but ultimately we made it through. It was hard eating!
Waiting is misunderstood and it most often down played, "Oh more time to decorate or do life books, or work and make money. " No thanks, I don't need more time, I need my kiddos home! We have a song we sing in church, one of the lines is...there is no place I would rather be...picture Feb 2012 and me in the second to the front row, gasping and sobbing, because how could I sing it, there was someplace I would rather be.
Our girls light up our world, hasten our steps, challenge our parenting skills, and allow us to remain faithfully His in every sense of the word. We could not and continue to do not without His help. It is that simple. How do others do it? They must just be very competitive or have great support networks and believe in something powerful and positive.
I am so thankful the other day I heard the song again and I sang my heart out, no there was no place I would rather be...here with my girls...same seat, same day of the week, same man sitting beside (lucky me) same pastor, and most likely same worship band, but there was a difference...I had eaten the elephant, and although I had a 27 month pregnancy, (like an elephant) we had two little heads bopping to the music and lifting their hands in worship.
Take that elephant!