That was then and this is now....not only do we have an idea of where they are on the map, we have been to DRC and we have the privilege of raising two beautiful littles, born to the country that haunted our thoughts, and invaded our hearts, pushing a space right up beside Haiti.
So morphing my adoption blog of www.carryme.ca and Carry Me To Kinshasa, back into Life Happens was a good fit. Because in my world as intentional as we need to be about some things...life happens.
Lately we had some struggles around Mother's Day. Now don't get me wrong, I get it, but all you moms adopting older children, Mother's Day is a reminder of loss. So that emotional, ripping a hole in your chest, waiting for the kiddos to come home, another holiday reminder that are not home...and you think once they come home, it will be all warm and fuzzy. Wrong.
Many firsts are exciting and pictures are snapped and family celebrations are full of laughter, everyone saying, it is so great to have them here this year. New traditions are started, old traditions are remembered and taught; some quite abstract and some quite silly, but family memories are treasured.
All of these times are Kodak moments...if you don't know Kodak, you might be way younger than me....
All of these times are shared with family and friends
All of these times are celebrated in a fresh and new way
All of these times come with baggage...and that is the sad part about adoption that we rarely talk about.
Adoption is a an amazing journey over thick and thin, dicey and sure, crooked and straight, and connection and loss. Adoption happens because there was a loss. Adoption happens internationally because of circumstances that each of see on TV but rarely have experienced. That is until you have to walk through tough memories, rock a grieving child, explain why things are the way they are, and see the hurt through their eyes.
It has been almost a week since Mother's Day and our littles had the flu, so to say it was not celebrated was an understatement. It is hard to see your kids sick and the day was not as I planned LOL. I did get George's Breaded Almond Chicken for take out, and if anyone cares, my dying meal will be Georges' Almond Chicken. It rates up there with Vanilla Lattes, Chocolate, Pringles and of course Kettle Corn. I regress...back to kids..
So we have chatted and decided to plant a beautiful tall Sequoia Cedar in our yard. Now they will grow to 40 feet so finding the spot has been a cause of debate among the parents. We now have a plan, we went for a walk, we have made a plan, that each year for Mother's Day we will plant annuals, that way we can pick new ones every year, and remember a mom that was loving and kind, a mom that tried her best in a country labelled the worst country to be a mother in. Reference In the report it states Finland was the best...so sad it hurts my heart. Two countries in our home represented, one as the best, and one as the worst. What irony.
So before you get high hopes that Mother's Day is all about you, and you are going to be so thankful to have your children home...take a moment and remember...before they come home to you, they were saying goodbye to everything they have ever known, and whether they are scared, hungry and not cared for, it is still all they knew.
Some adoption books say don't tell your child their mother loved them, because it will teach them, love equals abandonment or rejection. I don't believe it, love never equals abandonment or rejection, that is circumstance. Love equals, I never planned for life to be this hard, I need help, I need to keep my children, safe, free from war, poverty, disease and hurts that they cant understand as children. Love is pure and no matter how you call it, love hurts at one time or another, but love picks up where love left off...and that is where we came in. Thankfully we serve a God who can orchestrate across oceans, for one mom to love the other mom, with fierce protection and no jealously as to being replaced as the daily mom, that one mom, can protect memories, and reach out without fear of not being the "real mom". We are in this together, because I know in my heart that as I pray for a family in Kin, and they pray for us a family, we are doubly blessed. Uniquely created and interwoven...as a family.
From my book ..Carry Me to Kinshasa dedication:
I cannot fathom the agony of your decision, your strength and your love, but I can fathom the depth of our gift.
I leave pondering the thoughts of family, and the incredible ways families are made.
.PS: Amazon also carries the book